Redefining Productivity
I have been described as many things in my life: a busybody, multi-tasker, a born leader, efficient, driven, self-motivated, a bleeding heart, an overachiever, developer of others, you get the picture.
What has never been used to describe me is lazy.
When I relax I multitask. I cannot just watch a movie. I have to fold laundry, do core exercises or pay online bills while I watch. Without those added things my body starts twitching, almost convulsing in its lack of productivity. True story.
I have realized that I carry a certain amount of pride in the number of things I cross off my list each day, or the number of entire lists I complete in 24 hours I look at those checkmarks, breathe in the fulfillment of it, and then immediately create my next list.
No time like the present!
In positions of leadership I have accomplished a lot.
And I have struggled with work-life boundaries.
I have thrived in finding passion in what I do and pushing others forward in the same.
And I have completed work days where I had to take a power nap in my car in the garage before entering the house because I literally could not function as a wife and mom until I did so.
Although the fast pace is ingrained in my nature, there has most often been a subconscious lack of peace in my life. I read books that told me to find balance, take time for meditation or prayer, and prioritize time for self care.
Honestly, that pretty much all sounds miserable for a personality such as mine.
The last thing I want to do is s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.
For me, fun=completion of things.
So it was interesting that my last two jobs ended the same way.
God whispered, well perhaps He yelled as I was flying around frantically getting lots done, that I was to quit. Not to just step down from my position of leadership, but complete my last day of work with nothing in front of me.
No next step lined up,
no new thing to learn staring me in the face,
no new challenge to take on,
no nothing.
Naturally the first few months of unemployment were easy. It was mid summer and my cup that had been very empty and in need of some vacay was hungry to be filled again.
But like a somber poem, summer turned to fall, and naturally fall evolved into winter. That’s when the silence of a small town and no employment got so very… silent. And to top it all off I turned in my snowshoes for a torn ACL, immobility and crutches.
Quiet.
Still.
How can I possibly reflect on levels of productivity in a year of drastic change that brought so much stillness to life?
I can’t give you a list of significant accomplishments, that’s for sure. No reforming of policies, no improvements in work culture, no leading of anything, not even a Bible study, no mentoring of any kind, and not even a new 6 pack of abs to show for it.
But in hindsight I have found something that I can claim as highly productive, and that I never would have found without the removal of so many things from my life.
A deep seated peace.
Not always.
Not without my bad days of tantrums and panic.
But a deeper situated peace in my soul.
Instead of fighting the brevity of my days, I have often heard a whisper saying, for with the Lord, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day.
For someone wired such as myself, that verse never means “stop being lazy and make the most of each breath”- the Lord knows I don’t need to be told to do more!
But rather that the scarcity mentality and the accompanying urgency of each day can be released because each second of each minute is not how I understand time to be. If He can figuratively, or literally, shorten or lengthen our days, multiply or divide our efforts, then who are we to judge productivity based on the amount of things we checked off our list in 24 hours or base our personal progress on the self-perceived impact we made in the world today?
What if the value of each day has a deeper meaning that goes beyond accomplishments?
I guess all the things removed from my life: another child graduating and moving out, an entire year with no job, a move that meant losing community and starting over, was what I needed to hear something that I know will prove most productive and a great multiplier in my life.
Along with the peace, my identity was challenged, and I was overwhelmed by God’s love.
Sounds so cliche. But it became so real to me in the silence.
His love that I always understood for those less privileged than myself. The compassion, the desire to meet their needs, the yearning to bless them and show them a new way. This, He revealed, was also for me.
Only in stillness could such a busybody as myself be wooed by my Savior. The Lord and I had so many walks together this year. I had much to say to Him when it began, but with so much time together I eventually lost my words and that is when it hit me.
God’s love in the form of intimate companionship. Intimacy where a word need not be exchanged. The presence of each other’s company became enough.
No obligation.
No pressure.
No anxiety.
Simple security resting in pure, unblemished love.
So perhaps these shifts in pace of life do have meaning for one like me, who is handicapped in the way of relaxing.
My definition of productivity has been brought into question.
I won’t likely stop being the over achiever I have always been, but this bizarre year, that I will likely never have again, has changed me. The urgency in my bones isn’t gone, but it is challenged. And how is the way I define purpose impacting the way I perceive my identity?
It turns out, even for one as driven as myself, identity does not derive from the metrics analyzed in my annual review or how I kept on pace with the strategic plan.. My identity does not primarily lie in career success, popularity, wealth, race, gender, hours volunteered, you get the picture. Identity is found in being the bride of a Groom who is flawless, in whose image I was made, and who lovingly pursues me, like the 1 lost sheep who is relentlessly sought out from the flock of 99. That’s it.
When my identity is grounded in this, then I can rest in peace. Not a new personality, not a lazy spirit, but a relaxing of my will
and my way
and my time.
Control is released.
I walk in peace. One step at a time. Abiding and flexing in the directional changes, because the results are not up to me.
A wise Man once said each day has enough worries of its own. I do my best, make plans and work hard towards them, but not in a way that fears not living up, is terrified of screwing up, or worries that the world needs me to fix its problems. I can shift priorities when things get out of whack. I can elevate relationship over business productivity. I can stay calm and lead through the storm.
Our God can take the movers and the introspective thinkers and refine them as silver- the Lord knows we need it. The process of sanctification will at times be painful and require humble repentance. But the Lord can use our drive, our longings, our ability to lead, and our energy for His Kingdom work.
We simply need to live in the fullness of His love so our drive and desires don’t all come out sideways. By abiding in His love, surprises can then promote opportunities for a different type of growth and productivity. And progress doesn’t just look at numbers, but at personal development, valuing people, and, more importantly, my personal identity being so grounded in the Lord’s love for me that my cup overflows to give God glory and to share it with others.
How about you?
Whether it is a physical impediment that takes away from an important role you have on a big project or at an upcoming conference, an HR issue at work that trumps all the vision work you had planned to do this year to improve corporate culture, a sudden downfall in revenue that impacts what you had scheduled for the next quarter, or even a small disruption from your task list when a coworker finds you and shares about their child’s monumental softball game last night;
How do you turn one of these seemingly unruly occasions from a disruption into an opportunity, into something that has purpose?
Until we understand His love for us makes us enough and we prioritize our relationship with Him as our greatest purpose, our frantic pushing may all just be in vain.
But when we live and lead, knowing where our identity and value lies,
well then,
that’s kingdom productivity,
no matter how many hiccups surround us.